“Good”

The sunrise was spectacular this morning! The few low-lying clouds that stretched across the eastern sky looked as though they were made of white, fluffy, jumbo-sized cotton balls all bound together by marshmallow cream set on fire by God Himself. With the sunlight curtained by these beautiful clouds I didn’t have to drive staring blindly into the sun, steering by braille as I normally would at this time of day. Above all of the road noise, I heard that Wee Small Voice encourage me to turn off the radio and pray for everyone who came to mind. Immediately, I thought of Laurel, my new supervisor, who has MS. As I prayed I became one with Nature while barreling toward Fort Worth on I-20 at 72 miles per hour.

Tranquility filled my soul until my Zen-like state was interrupted by a woman who drove onto the freeway while talking on her cell phone. When I slowed down to allow her to pass, she slowed down too. When I accelerated in an attempt to get around her so that I could cross three lanes of traffic necessary for me to exit, she sped up. I don’t believe she intentionally tried to get in my way. Nevertheless, I missed my exit and was forced to take the next one. In my frustration I called her a ‘name’. What can I say? It just came out. And although I cursed the air, I didn’t stay frustrated for long. I think it’s because I now work with Laurel. I see her limp into work (or ride in on a motorized chair) and limp out of work to her ‘handicap’ van. I see her face flush to a bright pink because of her disability after a full day of work with no lunch break. But I do not hear her complain. In fact, my teeth hurt just being around her because she’s so sweet. She’s so soft spoken that I have to hold my breath, stay perfectly still, and read her lips to be able to decipher every word she says. I think I’ve even seen a halo appear above her head in the late afternoon sun when it is shining in through her office window at just the right angle much like one can see a rainbow after the rain.

Yesterday she rode into the office in her motorized chair, arriving just about an hour late. After a bit, she walked into my office with two files that I thought she wanted me to review. When she sat down at my desk and asked if I had a tissue, my first thought was she might be coming down with a cold. (She’s more susceptible to illness than I am.) After handing her the tissue box, she took two tissues and told me that she might become emotional because she had left her husband the night before, that she has been in an abusive marriage – one she just had to get out of. I know the look on my face revealed my total confusion and shock because I had no clue. The question I had to ask myself was ‘who would be abusive to this woman?’ I just couldn’t imagine anyone being mean to her, much less her husband.

They say that bad things happen to good people. If that’s the case, then I don’t want to be perceived as being ‘good’. Now that I have thought more about it, I’m not sorry that I cursed that woman and her cell phone this morning. After all, God will forgive me, right? Besides, I promised my son that I would jump out of a perfectly good airplane with him when he graduates from high school this spring. The last thing I need is for my parachute to not open.

Honestly, I do try to be a good person most of the time. You may not be able to see a halo hovering over my head in the late afternoon sunlight, but I would dare you to compare me with any of the saints – past, present, or future – just as long as you allow me to sit in my car alone in the garage when you do the comparison. I can be incredibly “good” there.